you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
