Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
