so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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