Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
