You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
