and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
