Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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