everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
