you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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