yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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