You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
