well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize