The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
