i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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