the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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