he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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