guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
