we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
3pm strippers are depressing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
