It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
