i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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