Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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