Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
