I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
