Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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