btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
