I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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