I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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