i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
