You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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