I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
