my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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