saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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