Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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