i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
