So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
