I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
