i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
