After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
