I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk is not a location!
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