3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish my penis had an off switch
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
