you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
