I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
