let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
