i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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