This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
