And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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