nut hugger
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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