I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
