I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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