you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Are my feet made of real feet?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
