did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
