you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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