Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
