Sponge bath it is.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
4 words: hood of his car
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
