Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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