She's JV to your varsity
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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