Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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