Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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