Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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