My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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