Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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