you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
