Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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