he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
