Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
