You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize