I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think people are normalizing furries
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