So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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