i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
