its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
