i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
