So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
