I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
