he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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