Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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