It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
