I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
