Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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