HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
