he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
