I feel like abortions should bother me more
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
