just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
