Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
