I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
