I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
