It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
