I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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